Life Poem by Gayathri Seetharam

LIFE
-Gayathri B. Seetharam
I was walking down the road
With my handbag in my hand
It was a bleak wintry afternoon
And the cold breeze was in my face
When all at once, I was struck by the thought
That life was a beautiful thing after all
It had the joy of the breathing soul
Mingled with the life force of our planet, earth
For to be living, breathing the pure air
Is a joy unto itself, happy and merry do we, its people be,
I spent some years of my life, severely depressed, desiring death every moment of the day
For no reason other than the biochemical imbalance of my brain, a lack of serotonin,
My doctor did not diagnose this and instead he said I was schizophrenic
I still take them pills and have beaten the depression
Which dogged me severely for a year or two, despite the fact
That I had a loving husband and a beautiful boy
After this, it reduced a very little in intensity
And I who had been dead as myself, the living laughing loving Gayathri B. Seetharam
Had turned into someone who, above all, wanted to be dead,
Through it all, I turned a sad, smiling face to the world,
And slowly, the drug, Rispardal, for psychosis and schizophrenia,
Began to have an effect in the positive direction
And treated my depression
Through it all, I who had woken up gladly to face the world every morning
Woke up reluctantly, and wanted to stay in bed,
But I could not have the luxury of doing something like that
I absolutely unwillingly went about my chores and picked up my son from school
My husband who was wonderfully supportive
Did not actually sympathize, I think in retrospect
Or he was a victim of circumstances
He had to put food on the table
And hence could not cope with the sudden overload of work
My career oriented work became my mainstay of existence
And I threw myself, slowly, wholeheartedly into writing papers and essays
A couple of newspapers, without my knowledge, did publish me
And I heard about it in a roundabout manner
But I did not earn a paycheque
I wrote until the pen ran out of ink over and over again
And Lady Luck did not knock on my door
But the day did come when I woke upto the world with a brilliant smile on my face
And a song in my heart and music and dance in my soul
Life is a wonderful gift from God or Darwin's evolutionary concept
To feel happiness and rejoice in the force of joy
Is what I want to feel forever
For I felt pain without tears, for I did not want life to flow within me
With the steadiness of its heartbeat
As a young child, I had seen the river, Kaveri, and her tributaries
Meet in a spot, a tiny square which welcomed the life force of the three rivers
To emerge as the single sole River Kaveri
As I sit at my work table, I am drawn to an image of the Niagara Falls
Of the cascade of water behind the "curtain" of the waterfall
To flow through life's path leaving a moving trail of water
Which speaks to the soul of nature
And its heart's desire is to be remembered for its moving trail
And I, above all, at this time, desire for myself and my son to succeed in life's career oriented journey
And for my husband to continue to do so.