Liberal Is As Liberal Does Poem by Keith Shorrocks Johnson

I dream of equity and brotherhood of man
As only Oxford Nobs of Liberalism can.
Of ancient lineage or so my mother claims
I love progression and its fun and games.

I love the common man and guard his rights
It's good that he has upper crust protection
And if I put a finger down his tights
It's just to muster favour at the next election.

The world is made for top-notch men like me
That take both cake and biscuit - but bucket swill
To grunts below them on the social tree
Who suck it up but back the stuck up still.

I ride to hounds with the noble and patrician
But ride the stable-boys for fairness sake:
Unspeakable I'm not, I just jockey for position
And hunt down rent-boys who are on the take.

"Great Scott, I wish that Norman dead
That his goose be cooked and giblets served -
His allegations leave me quite unnerved
Will no-one rid me of that little turd? "