Letter From An Orphan To His Mother Poem by Dan Katoha Jr

So, Mom…
Tell me—
Is this what life really is?
To live, to suffer, to fall, to cry?
Was it already a warning
When I cried the moment I was born?
I had a childhood stitched with laughter…
So why did everything collapse all at once?
Boom! Like a sandcastle swallowed by the tide.

Yes, Mom, I cry.
Often.
In silence.
When no one is looking.
My tears bring me peace, sometimes…
But they don't heal me.
So I write.
Because words are my bandages,
And pain—my ink.

Tell me, Mom,
Is that what it means to be human?
A parasite, ready to destroy the one who fed him?
To kill his own brother for money,
To betray a friend for a woman?

Did you have real friends, Mom?
The kind who don't stab you when the lights go out?
The ones who stay through the storm?
I still don't know.
You left too soon
To teach me the rules of this world.

If even your own family never truly loved you…
Who will, in this world?
The jealous wear your name,
They eat at your table but poison your cup.
Enemies wear masks here—
But when they strike from behind,
It's often because someone close opened the door…
You never told me that, Mom.

So, Mom…
Is this really life?
The moment you fall, everyone disappears.
No helping hands—
Just mocking laughter,
And cruel whispers:
"We knew it… He was bound to fall."
The same ones who once clapped for me
Now throw insults
As if I were nothing but trash.

You never prepared me for this.

And love, Mom…
Why didn't you warn me?
I fell in love.
For real.
But I messed up,
And she left.
She came back once…
But I, foolish as I was, played games.
And just like that,
The most beautiful story I had… vanished.

So that's love?
Forgetting the world in her arms,
Finding the most beautiful soul in one body,
And then regretting it forever?
You should've told me, Mom.
I would've been careful.

But you sleep beneath the earth now…
And I speak to a grave.
I'm angry with you, Mom.
But what's the point?
You're the one I loved most,
And always will—
Even beneath the ground.

You should've left me clues,
A word, a sign, a dream.
You should've prepared me.
Because here, life breaks before it builds.
It drives some mad.
It drives others to suicide.
It makes some crawl,
And lets others rise.
Me, Mom…
I don't know where I belong yet.

I only know that I love you,
And that I still believe in God.

Mom, can you see my words?
Can you hear my pain?
Did you also lose your own mother too soon?
Was it your fate too
To grow up without her,
To forge yourself in fire?

Then maybe it had to be this way…
That I had to fall to learn how to stand,
Cry to taste the beauty of laughter,
Crawl before I could run.
That the wrong ones had to leave
So the right ones could arrive.

And yes, Mom,
Sometimes I was the wrong one.
Thankfully… they left.

So, Mom,
Tell me—will I fall in love again?
For real, this time?
Without lies, without masks, without mistakes?

And will I become a great man
If I keep fighting?
Don't worry, Mom,
I know freedom has a price.
That's why I run today,
So that one day, my children can walk.
No—
So they can run where I once stumbled.

So, Mom…
What is a real family?
The one you choose, or the one you're born into?
Maybe it doesn't matter,
As long as there's love.
I love my brothers,
I love my sisters,
I love Dad…
And I love you, Mom.

But this letter…
Is still the letter of an orphan
Speaking to the shadow of a lost mother.
I know I'll never get answers.

So, Mom…
What is Heaven like?
Tell me.
Just once.

I send you a kiss from the depths of my silence.
Rest in peace, Mum.