Let Me Breathe, Dad. Poem by Thea Chames

You gave me everything-
a roof,
a life,
your blood running in my veins.

But not the one thing
I keep begging for:
space
to breathe.

You say I'm irresponsible.
You act like I can't think for myself.
Everywhere I go,
you need to know.
Every step-
tracked, questioned, judged.

You don't let me live
like a normal teenager.
You don't let me choose
who I love,
what I wear,
where I go,
who I talk to-
especially if they're boys.
As if love is a danger.
I'm too weak to face.

But I've seen danger.
I was born into it.
The day I came into this world
was the same day
you started cheating on my mother.
And she stayed.
And I watched.

You think I don't know pain.
But I've been carrying yours
since I was a child.

Still,
I love you.
I hate it when I disappoint you.
I hate it when you yell at me
like your voice is the law
and my silence is guilt.
But I still love you-
with all the pieces you've broken in me.

You are my weakness, Dad.
You are the reason I cry
and the reason I hold back
when I want to scream.

And even now-
after everything-
I don't want your money,
your house,
your rules.

I want one thing:
For you to believe me.

Even if no one else does-
believe in me.
Have faith in me.
Let me choose my path,
make my mistakes,
learn my lessons.

Let me laugh.
Let me fall in love.
Let me be young
before the world turns me cold.

I know you care.
I know your fear
comes from love.
But it's choking me.

You're not protecting me-
you're imprisoning me
in your worry.

All I'm asking
is to live.