Laughing Poem by Matt Render

I forget what I was ever on about—
I have everything I could ever want,
And I've fulfilled every carnal urge.
A room with a window,
A quiet place to be,
A warm cup of tea.
Sure, maybe
I let the floors get a little dusty,
And perhaps I don't smile
The way I used to.
Maybe there was something, actually,
That I let slip by me.
But how could it matter now anyway?
Since it all ended perfectly.

And so what if I let it all go to waste
And watched myself degrade
And slowly disintegrate
In this awful place,
Disgracing my name
As that sacred touch
Continued to wane?

And so what if I ignored
Every last warning,
As the bells were chiming
And I went on hiding?
Yeah, maybe I'm caught
And you finally have me
Right where you want me.
So should I be sorry?

Take my gun,
Take my thumbs,
And take my last bit
Of desire or love.
Take it all, sweet.
You were right all along.
Now let me
Seep further
Into the stinking,
Sinking
Pit of
Blindness
And burden,
As I rip myself open—
A new hell to discover.

I don't know when
I'll be out of here.
Don't mind me
Any longer.
I'm trying so hard
To forget myself,
And I hear the laughter
Once again.