Just A Pace Away Comments
Myriad times have I witnessed men, grandiose and bold,
Who assert bliss is but slumbering atop mountains of gold.
They rush in obscure hours and toil for wealth's accumulation,
But little do they realise that it results in sorrowful ruination.
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It's true Vaibhav, sick of being in rat-trap.... everyone in his/lifetime tried to earn as wealth as possible without thinking about humanity... In wild run for wealth is wild goose chase when it comes to the contentment.
Great message beautifully conveyed....! Yes, true bliss is not something that lies outside, it is very much within and around....! One has to find it by oneself....! Peace and happiness is never in proportion to the material possessions one has.... in fact peace emanates not from material wealth but from inner wealth! Mature thoughts beyond your tender age! I have expressed the same idea in my poem Where Lies True Bliss! Top marks, Vaibhav.
The air you inhale atop the highest peaks, And the laving of azure water in the remotest creeks against your cheeks, And the thought that the Blesser is in your confidence, All elates you in true bliss, heralding yours and mine consonance Really wonderful rhyme. The thought provoking astonishing style is really great
An insightful philosophical reflection written in verse with rhythmic splendour. A work of an intricate mind. Thanks for sharing, Vaibhav.
so many comments may NOT YOU BLOAT KEEP AFLOAT YOUNGLY POET POINTS 10 PLUS+++++++++++++++++++
Those jocund birds whose chirpings you enjoy, Those splashes of the fishes swimming in a convoy, Provide true succour and serenity to you And lovingly aid you to share this bliss with your crew. exsholient.....your mastery of thesaurus at this age is wonderful for ur mindful age keep going you have the acumen read my poetry and blast me if you will i accept it I will sonny poet
Vaibhav, you have penned a really beautiful poem that relishes my heart with nothing but peace. The utter reality of life is eloquently expressed in the poem. Keep writing such poetries and I am looking forward to read more. Thank you.
Hii vaibhav you have written much more than your age.At your age people will not have a thought of writing a poem like this. You have painted the lives of the living creatures in such a wonderful way that I have fell in love with the poem.Your poem has a peace and a beautiful lively fragrance in it with a modern touch. A big congrats to you on writing such a poem.i am really very grateful to you for inviting me to read this now.please don't forgot to read my poems too.
I see a satire in your poem towards those who believe in hoarding, the true happiness is in enjoying little and trivial things which we normally overlook or let go by. As you rightly said: I quote: Those jocund birds whose chirpings you enjoy, Those splashes of the fishes swimming in a convoy, Provide true succour and serenity to you And lovingly aid you to share this bliss with your crew. Full marks to you for this wonderful poem and thanks for inviting me to read it. God Bless you.
Profound poem on the subject, accumulation of wealth just to seek pleasure is worthless, it cannot be true means to achieve happiness in life, wealth is the by-product of your hard work and destiny, some people make money in what ever they do whereas for some it is very hard to make money even to meet the ends of the day. Cont.......
What truly matters are your deeds of the day: Your touches that heal, your thoughts that are blessed. A mere smile over spectatorship on the poor who are, in reverence. very fine expressions with a lofty theme dear poet. thank u very much. tony
Forget the precarious bonds with materialistic ecstasies And find a haven, amidst the rapture of humble legacies. There is no bliss miles and ages away; Believe me, it is not a pace and day away. 219 ITS FINE WAIT WHEN YOU R 29 AND A GIRL IN LINE TILL SUCH A TIME READ MY MOMS SMILES O UNG POET WELL DONE
With due respect, I do not understand the cause of removal of " that" . Without " that" , the sentence would be meaningless, wouldn't it? " ...and proclaims that simple pleasures of daily life are what provide true bliss to humans." What does that mean? I ask you to reconsider your statement.
(cont.) 4 - You use English well, including several words i am not very familiar with and do not use. Bri :) P.S. remember: wealth, in/of itself, is not evil nor a source of unhappiness
It was never my intention to state wealth as evil. The poem was talking of men who accumulate wealth considering them as " givers of bliss" . I hope the " P.S. section" issue is cleared.
(cont.) 3 - last 2 lines: this 2 lines are unclear to me, i wonder if you believe what you wrote, the “no” and “not” don’t BOTH seem to belong there, and away/away is not poetically-attractive to me, though i’d rather see them than a ‘poorly-done rhyme’ in their place! All in all, i say you got your point across, but i hope you will review your lines. (cont.)
(cont.) 2 - pale (as verb) : " 2.seem less impressive or important.” this is one word i was not sure of. i 'love' stanza 4 & first two lines of 5 " heralding yours and mine consonance." i’d use " your" and " my" OR “our”, but i may be wrong/incorrect. English varies from place to place and person to person and time period to time period and i'm NOT an expert! ! ! (cont.)
" Pale" (as a verb) is used here as a personification of the sky, which pales (as in changing its colour to white) the grey tone (objectification of impurity and sadness) . In a deeper sense, the sky can be take as the person's soul, which was impure before realizing the futility of avarice, but then it changes to white (a pure form) , for it is shocked upon the realization of truth (which is conveyed through the poem) . I hope you understand.
1 - glen: a secluded narrow valley ...what meaning are YOU using? " sorrowful ruination" ? in what form and for whom? maybe for the grandiose men, but maybe not. line 6: i'd delete " But" " Rest assured; this thought..." i'd replace semicolon with comma. WHAT thought do you refer to? stanza 3 is not so clearly written, i feel. (cont.)
Thank you for your kind comments. I agree with most of your points, but there is always some sort of obscurity in complex poetry, I feel, like in Shakespeare. Regardless, I'll be sure to take your comment as an epitome whilst composing any other poem in future.
The poem told the truth. People, who want everything, die empty and alone. I liked the honest tone and reality of your words. A worthwhile read.
Love your comment and its perfect expression. My new poem " Remember Me When You Forget" is also available. Kindly read it and POSE YOUR HONEST OPINION.
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7/25/2025 8:42:48 PM # 1.0.0
old poetry how now surfacing