In Another Universe? Poem by Sunny Sunshine

Maybe another lifetime,
I don't suffer from your laugh,
that noise that echoes off empty rooms.
Maybe another lifetime,
you cared for me,
and I let you go.

I hung with my anger long enough
until she opened her mouth and told me her name was pain.
I honed her to a blade
and I kept her with me.
Maybe I am the one who murdered me
yeah, I did it to myself.

And every time that I try to look forward
the whispers come back:
'Why can't you be better? '
'You let them down, didn't you? '
Maybe they're right
maybe I'm just looking for attention.
Saying little white lies
to seem sincere. Now nobody is believing me.
I don't even believe me.

I was scared I'd shatter
I did.
But it didn't matter.

Somewhere, someday,
I'll write you out of my veins.
Somewhere, someday,
I'll forget your name.
But not today.
Not today.

Maybe in another life,
we did laundry in the same room.
Perhaps another existence,
I grew up with you.
Perhaps we could have just been
you and me.
But I destroyed it.
I did it to myself.

Each step forward, I slide back.
Like quicksand pulling me under.
They said I'd heal, but don't know what to call this healing.
They said I'd forget,
but forgetting isn't being whole.

And the truth?
There are poems in me
too large for paper.
There is violence in my heart
unreachably unreachable by forgiveness.
And I don't know if I'll ever be more-
if I'll ever be enough.

Maybe in another life,
I wouldn't have to write this.
Maybe in another life,
we'd just be.

But not in this universe.