I Will Ask For Rebirth Poem by Bernedita Rosinha Pinto

When my mother conceived me,
it was she who felt elated and jumped with joy,
and I was told she had made a lot of baby clothes for me;

when I was born
it was my father who felt so proud of me
that every time he looked at me he thought
I was his little Princess come out from the moon.

When I went to school
my teachers forced me to study all that was unnecessary
and imposed education on me beyond the limits of a child's memory;

when I graduated
I had finished reading and writing so many lines of vocabulary
year after year, that it seemed like an exercise in excesses.

When I sat brooding
I told myself I preferred to be ignorant like a farmer
who works all day in the fields enjoying the nature
and the songs of the wind.

When I married
my husband felt all the glee as it was he who loved me
enormously and possessively;

when I became his wife after taking those vows,
I learnt to love him and accept his partnership perpetually
as he made himself so worthy of my reciprocation and my sacrifices.

When I became a mother,
child-bearing was not in my simplest dream
yet I loved the sight of my baby-boy and I decided to care for him
more than my own self as he looked so helpless and so sweet;

when my son grew up,
into a fine man he turned but he had forgotten all the years of care
I had allotted to him and my efforts and guidance was like
tossing three coins in a fountain and asking what the future beheld.

When I went to work,
as a teacher I taught my students with dedication greater than
their dedication to the learning process
as some children were playful, some studied seriously
yet a good teacher-student relationship was what I upheld
in my perspective.

When I was half a century,
my age and my energy started moving in opposite directions
and it made me feel so confused
as all I wanted to do was relax in my home
with sunshine and swaying palms overhead,
with owls hooting in the dark moonlight
keeping everyone worrying with augury.

When I traveled,
I saw the world and it looked no different
except those landscapes and houses but the heritage and culture,
the customs and castles were all so enchanting
yet the air and the water was all the same everywhere
except in the winters when it was so ice-cold;

when I would fall asleep,
it was only in my own home I would feel so carefree
just as everyone else feels but it gave me a true relief
when I would go out on the streets and make some charity
to the needy who would be so thankful
yet they would utter no words but in their silence
I would feel a comfort.

When I cried,
I cried for my brothers who left me behind
and departed from this world so young
taking most of my love with them
that half my heart felt so empty without them around me
but their memories strengthened my will-power
and as so many legacies and duties were cast upon me,
I had to be brave and go on though courage sometimes deceived me.

When I prayed,
every time I asked God for only one blessing,
that a complacent life is all that I should have
but that was what I always missed
as everyone was so intrusive.

When I die
and at the door of heaven I will stand,
I will refuse to walk in even if the angels call me,
as I will ask God to grant me a re-birth
so that I can get back in this world
and re-live a life I wanted to live
so full of simplicity, serenity and exuberance
that I will have no more requests or regrets
when my heart will stop to beat in my next life.