I Sleep Again Wishing That This Light Does Not Cease. Poem by RIC BASTASA

when i make love with you,
oh, i am honest, we did not, but
perhaps in a dream

when i was then too tired and could not remember,
but i guess, i must have forgotten it,

i made love to you, and when i make love with you,
i close my eyes, hope you do too,
it is more intense that way,
oh, i have to admit, i imagine

someone else, though you hold me
tight, and i can not even breathe freely,
i have to grasp
for gasps,

and oh always there is a gap somewhere between
our realities,
which i think is more real,
i see light, intense light within,

remember i close my eyes,
yet i see, another face, forgive me but
there is more beauty and desire in there,

it does not mean that i do not like you or
that there is no
love happening, there is,

but there is greater there,
it is perhaps my desired perfection of you
which is not in you
yet,

we are artists in some ways during that act
of lovemaking,
we close our eyes, and we see

light within us, perhaps we feel
that fire, only that we were so indulged
and
per-occupied, we do not bother

naming it,

alright, let me say it, i love you,

but (within me there is more
to what i love in you, and it is not you,
forgive me, but i say it here,
i may be there but i am not
there,

within the context of this paradox,
i lay in bed
too weak to wake up,
and too timid to say that i am still
thinking of that place where i am more perfect
and you are not yet there with me.

i sleep again wishing that this light
does not cease.