I Must Explore Unity More Poem by Mystic Qalandar

it's strange
to see myself in the mirror.
Why should I? It feels absurd.
No scars of a past life,
no marks of a new—
to contemplate every little
wound and bruise.
Over millions upon millions
of years of existence
I have not changed—
transformed or evolved.
I am the same I, I was
since the pre-cosmic hour
when I was birthed in the mind
of the divine, as the sublime idea.

it's strange
to think about how it was
His hands fashioned me
like a sculptor
with sounding baked clay,
His breath touching
every tiny freckle of my body,
every minute cell of my brain,
every vessel, every vein,
down to the very atom
that makes me who I am—
until there was nothing
of my Wajud He hadn't breathed into.

it's strange
to realize you can't hear your name
without that fluttering in my stomach—
butterflies hungry and unforgiving,
aching to love you again.
To see your face, speak of you,
remember you—yet no longer
have that lovestruck look
I once carried only because of you.

it's freeing
to reinvent myself,
and yet remain the same
I was in eternity.
To feel no other hands
touching my Wajud
that aren't yours—
for yours are real, original,
and all hands in the cosmos
pale beside yours.
They are both
creative and destructive,
but your destroying is never cruel;
it is essential to your recreating.
Your hands are patient and loving,
they leave no scars,
no cracks.

it's calming
because you never allowed me
to drift from your light.
Always you held me close,
your hands warm and steady,
never letting me sleep in the nest
without seeing the beauty outside.
And still, you love me.
I know you practice self-love,
for I am not your other,
but I must move on,
to explore the unity more.

—September 2,2025