I Just Want The Old Me Back Poem by Lisa Knipe

I'm a thirty year old woman, who has a brain infection called encephalitis due to an enlarged kidney, a severe UTI and new medication.

I seriously hate (a word I dislike) , not knowing where I am, who I'm with. I don't remember conversations. I don't know old neighbours. I don't recognise most things. I hate repeating myself time and time again where am I, who are you, what memories do we have?

I shouldn't be like this. I feel like I should be faking that I know them, than they won't be asking so many questions.

I don't want to this infection. It seriously fucks with me and my life. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, I'm so puzzled with where I am or what am I'm doing.

This is the lonely I've ever felt, no one will ever how lonely get this is.

I'm gonna write this while I still remember. I hate remembering things & next moment it's completely gone forever.
I saw my psychiatrist today He made me come off the Brintellix. He thinks 'I've got a really bad UTI. It's the quietest, he has ever seen me in an appointment & he's seen me in a depressive episode. I looked tired, lost & shouldn't be forcing myself to remember things (people, dates, places) . I can make myself worse.'

I can see today being everything I remember, by tomorrow, it will be gone. Apart from seeing my psychiatrist (that I thought I'd never met before) , I have no other memory of what happened today.

I don't know what happened yesterday. I'm done with this. I want to be me again.