I Can'T Handle This Poem by mona martinez

it's frustrating,
a part of me still wants,
to continue to do what i've been doing,
the other part of me want to move on,
to bigger and better things,
do i give in or keep fighting?
i want to give in so bad,
i feel like i'm trying to kick a drug habit,
you know it bad for you,
and won't do you no good,
yet you do anything you can,
just to get your fix,
you just want to feel alright,
even if it is for a second,
you tell yourself,
you only do it for about 10 mins,
before you know it 30 mins go by,
and you realize you haven't really moved,
time is passing by,
you don't really care,
in that moment, in your bubble,
your safe and you feel great,
you the most powerful person,
or it what you think,
you control everything,
when in reality,
your problem have more control over you,
than you ever realized,
it becomes what you lie to protect,
what you go do when you feeling down,
when you feel lonely,
or just so stressed,
you just want to be free,
it's a high that keeps you coming back for more,
the pain after is always better than,
the pain you feel right before you do,
so much is going through your mind,
body is remembering all of the pain,
that it been through in the past,
i just want it to stop already,
i can't handle this.