How Are You? Poem by Cloe C

I woke up today
lucky enough that I didn't actually get absorbed into my nightmares
luckily everyone I know is still alive
luckily I'm not cut in a million pieces
Luckily I woke up to my heart racing and gasping
I'm standing here after my guardian angel put in his two weeks notice but just never told me
I'm standing here after everyone has lied to me and hurt me
I'm standing here after spending my childhood in hatred
I'm standing here after army crawling down the yellow brick road
they promised rainbows after the rain
they promised a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow
they promised the rain was god's tears
they promised god forgives all and is always there for you
every thought has came through my head today
I've thought about how easy it would be to cut off my wrists
I've thought about how many people want me dead anyways
I've thought about how hard it would be for all my family
I've reached out a lot lately
I've reached out to my family and my friends
I've reached out to elementary school friends
I've reached out to people giving free hugs on the street and crisis lines
I've talked a lot
I've talked to my teachers and told them my excuses
I've talked to the walls to see how annoying and boring I am
Ive talked to the homeless to see what I should be grateful for
I've ate a lot of food
I made myself a castle of Oreos and carmel
I made myself an ice cream robe and whipped cream crown
I cried into my chicken noodle soup and wiped my tears with my crackers
some days I see the world burn in a horrible fire
some days I see climate crisis and litter
some days I'll walk and feel the world crumbling beneath my feet
some days I'll see oil spills and dead narwhals in the sea
Most days I wake up in the morning and feel like a sloth in slow motion
most days my alarm clock steals my circadian rhythm
most days I feel my chest filling with rage and fire
most days I feel a panic attack at the next bus stop
and I am tired of getting no sleep
and I am tired of thinking I'm worthless
and I am tired of dragging myself through the finish line
and I am tired of not getting any helping hand
so tonight I'll part take in self care and brush my teeth
so tonight I'll sing lullabies and rock myself to sleep
so tonight I'll sleep and I won't wake back up
so tonight I will sleep nightmare free and there will be no deaths
because maybe one day I'll find someone who is right
because maybe there's someone who will hold me tight
because maybe one day I'll find out why I was made for
because I'll find out what I'm meant to be