I can see it in your eyes, theres something you must say.
It will be ok.
Please don't go away.
I want you to stay, but your moving so far away.
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there are a few nice lines in here, but the rhyming is far to obvious and distracts the reader away from the subject matter, i would suggest you revise the poem, and edit it, choosing less subtle rhymes. Its a good piece to start with, yet with a little more care you could make it a great poem
regards
Vincent
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there are a few nice lines in here, but the rhyming is far to obvious and distracts the reader away from the subject matter, i would suggest you revise the poem, and edit it, choosing less subtle rhymes. Its a good piece to start with, yet with a little more care you could make it a great poem regards Vincent