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Slipping sand dunes, ice cold sundown,
Windblown waves and soft-streaked bay.
I liked when you were better off and
Loving tiptoe tempest tales,
...
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I liked the basic meter and rhyme of this poem which I think could be improved on with a little more editing. Nevertheless it has some good imagery and is well written.
The meter is meant to mimic change as the poem progresses. Each line is building towards the final two, with allusions in each paragraph preceding one. Look at it as a journey itself, instead of a collection of words.
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7/26/2025 5:25:03 PM # 1.0.0
So wonderful... Keep it up... I would like you read my poem In the mid of the night depression you are killing me... Naila