Tuesday, July 11, 2006

His Window Sill Comments

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The clatter
Of a distant train

A child ran
...
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Egal Bohen
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Egal Bohen 13 August 2006

Gillian, Sorted Egal...

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Gillian.E. Shaw 20 July 2006

Having savoured this delightful verse may I suggest the double use of 'went' just tarnishes it a bit for me. How about using 'passed' or 'go' or even 'travelled'. Pleasant and reflective with a surreal quality about it.

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Egal Bohen

Egal Bohen

Earth
Egal Bohen
Egal Bohen
Earth
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