Monday, January 9, 2012

Hemingway's Bizarre Dream: The Oldman And The Fog,1st.Episode Comments

Rating: 5.0

..no longer, the fog..
could see the man
because, another fog..
made of man..
...
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ahmed khaled
fog
COMMENTS
Ahmed Khaled 12 January 2012

All happiness with me to find any one doing his best to produce some sort of objective comments besides the subjective ones, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , with all extreme respect i welcome your fine notes but bear in mind, , , , , , , , , , , , , , dear friend brian that any ceative artistic work must pass through, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , three lines no matter if, intersected, these three lines are, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , THE MENTAL.......................................................................................... THE SENTIMENTAL................................................................................. THE EXPERIMENTAL.............................................................................. alot, in thanks YOUR FRIEND PHDAHMEDKHALEDT

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Brian Purdy 12 January 2012

Ahmed, thanks for making me aware of your poem. I found it amusing and interesting. The concept is a fresh one, and, unlike so many poems, this ends well. Fifth line might do with a verb. Line fourteen 'against both' unnecessary. How about: 'they made an agreement/to have a battle between them'? Think you need to tinker a little with elements of how fog and man exchange names but should not be too difficult to set right. Really like the poem's lightness of tone. This is an 'airy' concept and a weightier treatment would have killed it. Hope these suggestions and comments are of some use to you. Best from B.E.P.

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Gordon Tseng 11 January 2012

when a loud sound of suddenly_stopped car.. engine, , .. awakened me, to find nothing.. but my warm place, shining screen, in front, and your poem, bizarre fun.

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Indira Babbellapati 10 January 2012

sea or fog or iceberg...always within or between man n life...dear la hemingway!

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Eric Cockrell 10 January 2012

very good, you weave in and out of the mind well. good poem!

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Rigzin Namgyal 10 January 2012

..i add you in my list of fav poets.. ..you are just wonderful with words..

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William King 10 January 2012

Very abstract but really good. Dreaming and decieving. I like it

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Siyabonga A Nxumalo 10 January 2012

Wonderful poem Ahmed, thanks for sharing.

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Unwritten Soul 10 January 2012

Intrusion of emotion between real things and non living things...such a beautiful write Ahmed, lot of meaning your poem carry within every lines..it doesnt matter we change the name but the things still the same...if you change your name as someone else name but the whole you is still you...and your soul is what made you...Dont live in fog and decide to see deception wait and till the fog gone you will bear things in real again_Unwritten SOul

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Kee Thampi 10 January 2012

we hear the old sound of fear with... when a loud sound of suddenly_stopped car.. engine, , .. awakened the oldman, to find nothing.. but his warm place,

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Vipins Puthooran 10 January 2012

It's so amazing, , , , , , , , , , thou art an artisan of words! ! ! ! Really wonderful poem! ! ! ! top marks! ! !

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Dave Walker 10 January 2012

a great poem, your poetry always makes the reader think.

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Deep Mukherjee 10 January 2012

Your words are art of deception......great.....

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Alicia Meyers 10 January 2012

Very exciting, and very bizzare. Just like the tittle. Kind of confusing, but finally made it through the maze. Great poem(:

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