Nicoletta, I like this and the opening line is really catching. It has a lovely musicality to it but I feel that it reads much better if you take out the line 'deep blue sky bathing on us'. ' hurrying to keep up' has a much better feel to it and it creates a bit of ambiguity within the poem as a whole.
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Nicoletta, I like this and the opening line is really catching. It has a lovely musicality to it but I feel that it reads much better if you take out the line 'deep blue sky bathing on us'. ' hurrying to keep up' has a much better feel to it and it creates a bit of ambiguity within the poem as a whole.