Headspin Comments

Jeremy....I like this...and it's got a good rythym (Why can't I spell this word! I've tried a million times and I still think I'm wrong) going on. I'm not crazy about rhyming myself but the little I've learned is that sometimes, you need a rhyme scheme. In the poem you've got line one and two are hard rhymes...and lines three and four are semi-rhymes lines five and six are hard rhymes and then lines seven, eight and nine it seems to change a bit....goes from every line rhyming to every other line...My suggestion is to maybe pick one rhyme scheme throughout and stick to it. I like the sentiment of this poem very much. I think it shows your heart...I wonder if it might be good to try some free verse. Just a thought. Please know that I am not an expert...These are just my thoughts. :)

I enjoyed this one, God knows I could you some sound advice myself.