thanks, elena, for bringing this poem to my attention AND for the professorial poet's note. i really enjoyed what the TWO had to say to one another and the rhyming was/is a real bonus. BUT it took me until the middle of the second stanza to realize why something seemed funny/peculiar. then upon rereading and close examination of the punctuation (that i cannot see well on this screen) , i figured out that two people, not just one, were speaking in a dialogue. for such as me, i feel you should make it more obvious, by maybe using two spaces between her words and his words and three spaces between each stanza.
like:
i want to punch you in the face sweetheart.
etc etc etc
Go ahead i dare ya.
etc etc etc
Ok buddy, you asked for it.
etc etc etc
I'm ready. give it your best shot.
etc etc etc
You'll be sorry you didn't send a card!
etc etc etc
So what was the big..................OUCH! ! ! ! ! THAT HURT.
etc etc etc
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see what i mean?
oh! and sometimes you used quotation marks and sometimes apostrophes to set off the quotes....typos?
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i liked his choice of pizza, though chocolates are good too.
thanks for sharing. to MyPoemList it shall go..............and not JUST because i like you. bri :)
p.s. of course i am a MAN, but i must agree with the following lines even though no woman will give me credit for having a brain.
But please tell me wherein lies my crime,
Flowers will wilt and chocolates will melt,
How can a card express a love that’s felt? ”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
AND:
Jewelry can be stolen and lingerie is more for me,
Do you really want a teddy bear that will get dusty?
...........I like that you ignored rhyming here to make it funny.
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i liked how you repeated remiss/kiss but in reverse order. ;)
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thanks, elena, for bringing this poem to my attention AND for the professorial poet's note. i really enjoyed what the TWO had to say to one another and the rhyming was/is a real bonus. BUT it took me until the middle of the second stanza to realize why something seemed funny/peculiar. then upon rereading and close examination of the punctuation (that i cannot see well on this screen) , i figured out that two people, not just one, were speaking in a dialogue. for such as me, i feel you should make it more obvious, by maybe using two spaces between her words and his words and three spaces between each stanza. like: i want to punch you in the face sweetheart. etc etc etc Go ahead i dare ya. etc etc etc Ok buddy, you asked for it. etc etc etc I'm ready. give it your best shot. etc etc etc You'll be sorry you didn't send a card! etc etc etc So what was the big..................OUCH! ! ! ! ! THAT HURT. etc etc etc - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - see what i mean? oh! and sometimes you used quotation marks and sometimes apostrophes to set off the quotes....typos? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - i liked his choice of pizza, though chocolates are good too. thanks for sharing. to MyPoemList it shall go..............and not JUST because i like you. bri :) p.s. of course i am a MAN, but i must agree with the following lines even though no woman will give me credit for having a brain. But please tell me wherein lies my crime, Flowers will wilt and chocolates will melt, How can a card express a love that’s felt? ” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - AND: Jewelry can be stolen and lingerie is more for me, Do you really want a teddy bear that will get dusty? ...........I like that you ignored rhyming here to make it funny. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - i liked how you repeated remiss/kiss but in reverse order. ;)