Happily Never After (The Second Curse Of The Horny Toad) Poem by Michael Burch

Happily Never After (The Second Curse Of The Horny Toad)
by Michael R. Burch

He did not think of love of Her at all
frog-plangent nights, as moons engoldened roads
through crumbling stonewalled provinces, where toads
(nee princes) ruled in chinks and grew so small
at last to be invisible. He smiled
(the fables erred so curiously) , and thought
bemusedly of being reconciled
to human flesh, because his heart was not
incapable of love, but, being cursed
a second time, could only love a toad's...
and listened as inflated frogs rehearsed
cheekbulging tales of anguish from green moats...
and thought of her soft croak, her skin fine-warted,
his anemic flesh, and how true love was thwarted.

Originally published by Romantics Quarterly. Keywords/Tags: frog, horny, toad, prince, princess, curse, kiss, fable, true love, magic, spell, spells, croak, kingdom

Happily Never After
by Michael R. Burch

Happily never after, we lived unmerrily
(write it! —like disaster) in Our Kingdom by the See
as the man from Porlock's laughter drowned out love's threnody.

We ditched the red wheelbarrow in slovenly Tennessee
and made a picturebook of poems, a postcard for Tse-Tse,
a list of resolutions we knew we couldn't keep,
and asylum decorations for the King in his dark sleep.

We made it new so often strange newness, wearing old,
peeled off, and something rotten gleamed dull yellow, not like gold:
like carelessness, or cowardice, and redolent of pee.
We stumbled off, our awkwardness—new Keystone comedy.

Huge cloudy symbols blocked the sun; onlookers strained to see.
We said We were the only One. Our gaseous Melody
had made us Joshuas, and so—the Bible, new-rewrit,
with god removed, replaced by Show and Glyphics and Sanskrit,
seemed marvelous to Us, although King Ezra said, 'It's S—t.'

We spent unhappy hours in Our Kingdom of the Pea,
drunk on such Awesome Power only Emperors can See.
We were Imagists and Vorticists, Projectivists, a Dunce,
Anarchists and Antarcticists and anti-Christs, and once
We'd made the world Our oyster and stowed away the pearl
of Our too-, too-polished wisdom, unanchored of the world,
We sailed away to Lilliput, to Our Kingdom by the See
and piped the rats to join Us, to live unmerrily
hereever and hereafter, in Our Kingdom of the Pea,
in the miniature ship Disaster in a jar in Tennessee.


More Nonsense Verse by Michael R. Burch


On the Horns of a Dilemma (I)
by Michael R. Burch

Love has become preposterous
for the over-endowed rhinoceros:
when he meets the right miss
how the hell can he kiss
when his horn is so horny it lofts her thus?

I need an artist or cartoonist to create an image of a male rhino lifting his prospective mate into the air during an abortive kiss. Any takers?



On the Horns of a Dilemma (II)
by Michael R. Burch

Love has become preposterous
for the over-endowed rhinoceros:
when he meets the right miss
how the hell can he kiss
when his horn deforms her esophagus?



On the Horns of a Dilemma (III)
by Michael R. Burch

A wino rhino said, "I know!
I have a horn I cannot blow!
And so,
ergo,
I'll watch the lovely spigot flow!



The Horns of a Dilemma Solved, if not Solvent
by Michael R. Burch

A wine-addled rhino debated
the prospect of living unmated
due to the scorn
gals showed for his horn,
then lost it to poachers, sedated.



There was an old man from Peru
who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He awoke in the night
with a terrible fright
to discover his dream had come true.
—Variation on a classic limerick by Michael R. Burch


Although I prefer
onions
to bunions,
begging your pardon sir,
I still primarily defer
to legal reefer.
—Michael R. Burch


Anti-Vegan Manifesto
by Michael R. Burch

Let us
avoid lettuce,
sincerely,
and also celery!


Ding Dong...
by Michael R. Burch

for Fliss

An impertinent bit of sunlight
defeated a goddess, NIGHT.
'Hooray! , ' cried the clover,
'Her reign is over!
But she certainly gave us a fright! '

The Flu Fly Flew
by Michael R. Burch

A fly with the flu foully flew
up my nose—thought I'd die—had to sue!
Was the small villain fined?
An abrupt judge declined
my case, since I'd "failed to achoo! "


The Humpback
by Michael R. Burch

The humpback is a gullet
equipped with snarky fins.
It has a winning smile:
and when it SMILES, it wins
as miles and miles of herring
excite its fearsome grins.
So beware, unwary whalers,
lest you drown, sans feet and shins!


Hell-Bound Hounds
by Michael R. Burch

We have five dogs and every one's a sinner!
I swear it's true—they'll *steal* each other's *dinner*!
They'll hump before they're married. That's unlawful!
They'll even *screw in public*. Eek, so awful!

And when it's time for treats (don't gasp!) , they'll *beg*!
They have no *pride*! They'll even hump your leg!
Our oldest Yorkie *murdered* dear, sweet Olive,
our helpless hamster! None will go to college

or *work* to pay their room and board, or vets!
When the Devil says, "Pee here! " they all yip, "Let's! "
And yet they're sweet and loyal, so I doubt
the Lord will dump them in hell's dark redoubt...

which means there's hope for you, perhaps for me.
But as for *cats*? I say, "Best wait and see."


Menu Venue
by Michael R. Burch

At the passing of the shark
the dolphins cried *Hark! *;
cute cuttlefish sighed, *Gee
there will be a serener sea
to its utmost periphery! *;
the dogfish barked,
so joyously! ;
pink porpoises piped *Whee! *
excitedly,
delightedly.
But...
Will there be as much glee
when there's no you and me?


Kissin' 'n' buzzin'
by Michael R. Burch

Kissin' 'n' buzzin'
the bees rise
in a dizzy circle of two.
Oh, when I'm with you,
I feel like kissin' 'n' buzzin' too.