Hairs Under The Armpit Comments

Too hairy poem, I enjoyed the satire on it.

Lastly, 'Our underarm hairs, let them wander free.' I would use a comma after 'wander' and end your sentence with an exclamation point or two! ! If you do NOT use a comma, I think you should change 'free' to 'freely'. bri ;)

'No longer shall we hide and conform, ' I thought 'we' might refer to the hairs, BUT in the preceeding stanza the plan is to 'contain' and 'restrain' them! ! Hmm?

'With a swift motion, they'll be tamed and contained, No longer wild, but orderly and restrained.' Well, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO THIS FOR YEARS WITH MY AREMPIT (and other) HAIRS, MUCH to my annoyance! !

stanza 6: Again, as in stanza 5, I don't like 'knows'.

(cont.) stanza 5: And I don't think 'fair' fits. I would go with a non-rhyming word rather than 'fair', unless I could 'come up with' a rhyme I liked. : )

stanza 5: I would use 'rise' instead of 'raise'. My decision involves the difference between transitive vs intransitive verbs. But every reader should understand you. ;)))

**** Skin tags are: Usually, they 'are flesh-colored bumps of tissue connected to the skin's surface by a narrow stalk.' YES. My bro's got strangled by a groping, entwining hair and died and fell off.

stanza 4: 'beauty' seems 'a bit much' for armpit hairs, though MINE are quite pretty. And nearby is a cute skin tag **** I've had for decades; my younger brother had its twin-tag.

stanza 3: I think 'They' refer to 'notions'. Right? I'd make that more clear. AND I'd use a period, not a comma. Or at least a semicolon, NOT followed by 'Is', but, instead, by 'is'.

line 3: I'd use 'a must'. ;) line 4 may seem strange to some, but I think it is just fine, esp. in poetry. ;)

On my part it is really difficult to imagine such a poem.Brilliant explanation of freedom.

Crafty poem, I am sure Bri, will find out the proper connection to your phrases, I liked it, .5*