Friday, July 28, 2023

Hairs Under The Armpit Comments

Rating: 4.7

Let me challenge some notions of 'normalcy',
and embrace so called 'Natural Selves' with glee.

Is it must to follow such a trend?
...
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Sheeya Hacks
COMMENTS
Poetic Sky 01 August 2023

Too hairy poem, I enjoyed the satire on it.

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Bri Edwards 29 July 2023

Lastly, 'Our underarm hairs, let them wander free.' I would use a comma after 'wander' and end your sentence with an exclamation point or two! ! If you do NOT use a comma, I think you should change 'free' to 'freely'. bri ;)

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Bri Edwards 29 July 2023

'No longer shall we hide and conform, ' I thought 'we' might refer to the hairs, BUT in the preceeding stanza the plan is to 'contain' and 'restrain' them! ! Hmm?

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Bri Edwards 29 July 2023

'With a swift motion, they'll be tamed and contained, No longer wild, but orderly and restrained.' Well, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO THIS FOR YEARS WITH MY AREMPIT (and other) HAIRS, MUCH to my annoyance! !

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Bri Edwards 29 July 2023

stanza 6: Again, as in stanza 5, I don't like 'knows'.

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Bri Edwards 29 July 2023

(cont.) stanza 5: And I don't think 'fair' fits. I would go with a non-rhyming word rather than 'fair', unless I could 'come up with' a rhyme I liked. : )

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Bri Edwards 29 July 2023

stanza 5: I would use 'rise' instead of 'raise'. My decision involves the difference between transitive vs intransitive verbs. But every reader should understand you. ;)))

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Bri Edwards 29 July 2023

**** Skin tags are: Usually, they 'are flesh-colored bumps of tissue connected to the skin's surface by a narrow stalk.' YES. My bro's got strangled by a groping, entwining hair and died and fell off.

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Bri Edwards 29 July 2023

stanza 4: 'beauty' seems 'a bit much' for armpit hairs, though MINE are quite pretty. And nearby is a cute skin tag **** I've had for decades; my younger brother had its twin-tag.

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Bri Edwards 29 July 2023

stanza 3: I think 'They' refer to 'notions'. Right? I'd make that more clear. AND I'd use a period, not a comma. Or at least a semicolon, NOT followed by 'Is', but, instead, by 'is'.

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Bri Edwards 29 July 2023

line 3: I'd use 'a must'. ;) line 4 may seem strange to some, but I think it is just fine, esp. in poetry. ;)

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Nabakishore Dash 28 July 2023

On my part it is really difficult to imagine such a poem.Brilliant explanation of freedom.

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M. Asim Nehal 28 July 2023

Crafty poem, I am sure Bri, will find out the proper connection to your phrases, I liked it, .5*

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