Sunday, May 15, 2016

Haiku-4 Comments

Rating: 5.0


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Bharati Nayak
COMMENTS
Kumarmani Mahakul 25 October 2018

Though it is your trial haiku yet it is a beautiful haiku with touching expression, the essence of the poem is too nice. Thanks for sharing.

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Bipin Churchung Rabha 04 September 2018

Beautiful haiku! It's a little but powerful. In my point of how is a soul can catch his own lover. Thank you ma'am for sharing!

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Dr Dillip K Swain 15 November 2017

An amazing haiku is shared. 10

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Edward Kofi Louis 13 June 2016

To respect nature! With the muse of love. Nice work.

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Susan Williams 28 May 2016

This spider vs. flower seems a bit symbolic to me. The spider spins this intricate and rather geometrically beautiful trap to get what he wants out of life- food in this case. Life scoffs at his hard work and sends a flower drifting into his trap instead of something he can eat. Not only that, but the very presence of a pretty flower blossom caught in the web warns the fly, the lady bug, the butterfly that there is a web strung there so they go elsewhere. All that spider's hard work has gone to waste all because a flower drifting by got snagged up. Poor hungry spider! I think however that the flower is happy with what she has accomplished. This haiku was fun! ! ! ! I got a whole story out of its three lines!

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Bri Edwards 21 May 2016

pity the flower it struggles so mightily and all is in vain bri :)

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Bharati Nayak 18 May 2016

Thank you Fabrizio for your guidance.It is very helpful for the learners like me.

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Fabrizio Frosini 16 May 2016

and about kigo: the flower may speak of early spring..

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Fabrizio Frosini 19 May 2016

well.. I took it as a blossom.. but there are no indications in your verse about the type of flower.. therfore it's not a real kigo. Yet, it can be accepted for haiku written by non Japanese as we are :)

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Denis Mair 05 September 2018

It is wonderful that you know KIGO, the Japanese word for season word, and other essential knowledge about haiku. I invite you to look at my short series of haikus, JULY RAIN IN SEATTLE.

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Fabrizio Frosini 16 May 2016

''A spider designs'' sounds more as an 'interpretation'. The 2 images in juxtaposition, following the 'toriawase' technique, should show a bit more 'clear contraposition' (even if 'subtle') , with a kirey as a division, so to express a proper balance.

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Fabrizio Frosini 16 May 2016

the syllabic pattern is respected and the images are clear. Yet, a classical haiku is not much lyric, usually (tanka is) .

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Sriranji Aratisankar 16 May 2016

nice. enjoyed your poem. Thank you.

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Kishore Kumar Das 16 May 2016

Spider tries for its prey...but alas! gets a lovely flower.....that is the breathtaking lesson from your haiku...man proposes, God disposes..I think this you wanted to convey perhaps...10 marks to you for your innovative thoughts...

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Bharati Nayak 16 May 2016

Your analysis adds more meaning to my poem.Thank you very much.

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Ratnakar Mandlik 15 May 2016

A marvel of nature's manifestations portrayed beautifully through this verse. Thanks for sharing.

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Bharati Nayak 16 May 2016

Thank you for your highly valuable comments.They are very encouraging.

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