Haiku 3 Comments
Legs like broken twigs
Gathering food from water
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Your haiku succeeds, and puts the reader right at the water's edge. The gentle ripples in the surface distort the bird's colorful bill... You did all this with just a handful of syllables. Looking at himself- -because he too will be food for something, one day. Or is he just that beautiful? Your haiku makes us wonder. Excellent. I'm glad I got to see it. I have a special place in my heart for Great Blue herons, after having had to wade into my pond to save one from a snapping turtle, six years ago. I held them both in my hands at once, for a brief moment. If you'd like to read about it, I'll email you the details- - wrote it all down a few hours later, after a long hot shower. Great Haiku, Souren.
Thank you Brian.. I didn't really think about anything while writing this haiku.. I just saw the picture (I don't have the permission to put it up here unfortunately) , and wrote down these lines.. It's just that moment which was captured by the photographer, and then by me.. There is something beautiful about these simple moments in Nature, you know.. To just look at something that may be 'trivial' for a lot, and find a kind of joy in it.. I love these moments.. Just peaceful... Peace, I feel, is almost better than any other feeling, even happiness...
Through this little words, its enough to picture big to my brain..what a good choice of words u pick :)
It is rare that an initial inspiration hits the syllable count exactly. But, with only a few to express the thought, manipulation can be difficult. I have often spent hours on a haiku for just such reasons. This one evokes exactly what your intent was. I don't know if it is correct to title a haiku, but I always do because the wording can often mislead. Until I read your notes, I wasn't sure what this was about. Then, it came together for me and my appreciation for the work grew exponentially
Thank you Kelly.. Even I feel the same.. Haiku should be 'titled'... It was an interesting feeling, you know, to suddenly hit this.. I wasn't even trying to write one, and all of a sudden this came up, as if my thoughts were like that... It is interesting because I am not a native speaker, and technically English stands as a third language for me.. It is just that I've never had patience with poems.. There are too many of those that I write that can be changed with a little editing into decent ones, but I never like to do that.. Since I started writing poetry which dates back a good few years, I never liked syllables and metres, even in Bengali, which is my language.. English poetry started at about 18, and then continued until I was above 23 and hitting 24 last year.. Then I came here, and I got a little more serious.. I remember you told me in one of my earliest poems, I guess it was 'When I will be very old', that you will be tracking my development as a poet.. And I had, luckily, developed, grown a lot as both a human being and a poet... I have a lot to thank you, Fabrizio, and Daniel... The earliest readers of my poetry.. You, in particular.. You have read almost everything I have written here.. It means a lot to me friend and older brother.. Your works and words, always make me feel good... Besides, before meeting you here, I thought I was the only one who forgets the date and the day, and had too much of love for vodka! ! I feel less eccentric due to you.. We are similar - atheists, vodka-lovers, forgetful, and a little cynical of everything that happens around... Thanks Kelly..
It has been my pleasure, Souren. I am not too old to learn and I have learned a lot from you. Few things would make me as happy as knowing that you will have a wonderful, long, happy and fulfilling life. I would be proud to call you friend and brother, and one day have the chance to meet you in person and give you a hug. Take care of yourself, Souren.
Vivid description..i can actually imagine a bird standing in water, looking at its reflection in the water while pecking on food. The simile is perfect. Birds' legs do look like twigs.
Thank you Nosheen.. I have always had a fondness for birds.. They are free.. They just need to spread their wings and fly away.. There is so much beauty in Mother Nature.. It is just the nature of the human beings, that is so ugly nowadays...
My understanding of the form is minuscule, but from what I can gather, you've met the criteria. And you've done it quite beautifully.
Thanks Mike.. As I told you before, I never like more than 10 minutes spent on a poem... So, it was fun to get this..
Your first Haiku has passed the test. Perfect syllable count and a live scene from nature! Souren, you can confidently move on! Enjoyed!
Thank you Valsa ma'am.. It has a lot to do with T Balasubramanian's wonderful book on phonetics... I am getting far better with syllables now: -)
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10/17/2025 9:37:54 PM # 1.0.0
Envision! Thanks for sharing.