Greedy Eyes Comments

Hi Chris. Knowing that you want to improve, I can help, even though it seems brutal. This poem is constructed, basically by using rhyming couplets, and that's a tough way to go. Sometimes you have to search for a rhyme, which may not always be appropriate to what you mean to say. This is known as forced rhyme. This scheme also requires a lot more attention to the scansion (rhythm) of each line. Two things you can do. First try a different rhyme scheme. A.B.A.B. C.D.C.D. etc. That way, if you can't find a good end rhyme, you can afford to sometimes ignore the rhyme factor in selected lines, Second, try using an iambic meter, of the same length when possible. If you're not sure message me. I'll be glad to help. Don't be discouraged. Because you asked, I KNOW you'll be pleased with the new product. If not, feel free to delete these comments. :)