Sentiment is conveyed effectively by the combination of poetry and prose you have chosen. The explanation doesn't interfere with the form. However, it could be improved by the proper use of adverbs and sentence structuring. I like the subject-matter with which this poem deals. It expresses a truth that needs to be expressed and is needlessly suppressed. What better use of the poetic form than this?
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Sentiment is conveyed effectively by the combination of poetry and prose you have chosen. The explanation doesn't interfere with the form. However, it could be improved by the proper use of adverbs and sentence structuring. I like the subject-matter with which this poem deals. It expresses a truth that needs to be expressed and is needlessly suppressed. What better use of the poetic form than this?