i sent this to brian johnston's september challenge entries' page. it is my comment on your poem for the contest. good luck with this one and in the future.
my comment:
ok, next! TOLU OGUNDARE, unknown to me, but i welcome him/her to this September Challenge. WELCOME!
i like that Tolu used Brian's suggested title, but with an addition.
(GOD'S KIND OF POETRY: MY WELL OF WELLNESS)
on this Teacher divine
stake I my dearest will-...... i wonder what is meant by will.
upon Him who wrote
my frame with His.............. wrote my frame or wrote on my frame. i have trouble understanding the meaning of frame here. does frame here refer to human body?
pen of Light; .............i like pen of Light. sounds something like Star Wars.
and on the tiny fibres
of my heart
wrote He the equation
that sets in motion -
the wheels of life................... this is my favorite stanza. i like how Tolu arranges words a little differently, here and elsewhere, i think than if it were prose instead of poetry.
I, on scrambled Letters..........................Letters? the commandments? the books of the bible? hmmm?
that bore my unbalanced
weight, tottered -
till promises
like horses became........................AGAIN, I LIKED THE WORD ARRANGEMENT, but i wonder about the use of horses. it's not the first time i've found a PH poem which has stumped me. but i see that Diane Hine liked this poem enough to vote for it...........though she can't come up with a written reason. :)
and on this cart of life
I ride back and forth to earth
from Eden - garden of my birth,
whose verdure drinks of the wellness...............another very interesting stanza. but i thought Eden was supposed to be on 'earth', if we are talking 'the planet Earth', not dirt/soil. or maybe Tolu IS speaking of earth as soil/dust as in dust to dust.............a person dying and returning to 'dust' and then being born again; a journey repeated back and forth from (the Garden of) Eden? ? ? Reincarnation? ?
i like the look of small letters (lower case letters) starting the lines, with the exception of the personal pronoun I. i see that the next entry, by my PH friend Kanav Justa, also uses this format.
so, honestly, will i vote for Tolu? i'm not telling, but, if i don't, it is NOT because he has not been a PH friend to me already.
thanks for sharing. see you next time? :) bri
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i sent this to brian johnston's september challenge entries' page. it is my comment on your poem for the contest. good luck with this one and in the future. my comment: ok, next! TOLU OGUNDARE, unknown to me, but i welcome him/her to this September Challenge. WELCOME! i like that Tolu used Brian's suggested title, but with an addition. (GOD'S KIND OF POETRY: MY WELL OF WELLNESS) on this Teacher divine stake I my dearest will-...... i wonder what is meant by will. upon Him who wrote my frame with His.............. wrote my frame or wrote on my frame. i have trouble understanding the meaning of frame here. does frame here refer to human body? pen of Light; .............i like pen of Light. sounds something like Star Wars. and on the tiny fibres of my heart wrote He the equation that sets in motion - the wheels of life................... this is my favorite stanza. i like how Tolu arranges words a little differently, here and elsewhere, i think than if it were prose instead of poetry. I, on scrambled Letters..........................Letters? the commandments? the books of the bible? hmmm? that bore my unbalanced weight, tottered - till promises like horses became........................AGAIN, I LIKED THE WORD ARRANGEMENT, but i wonder about the use of horses. it's not the first time i've found a PH poem which has stumped me. but i see that Diane Hine liked this poem enough to vote for it...........though she can't come up with a written reason. :) and on this cart of life I ride back and forth to earth from Eden - garden of my birth, whose verdure drinks of the wellness...............another very interesting stanza. but i thought Eden was supposed to be on 'earth', if we are talking 'the planet Earth', not dirt/soil. or maybe Tolu IS speaking of earth as soil/dust as in dust to dust.............a person dying and returning to 'dust' and then being born again; a journey repeated back and forth from (the Garden of) Eden? ? ? Reincarnation? ? i like the look of small letters (lower case letters) starting the lines, with the exception of the personal pronoun I. i see that the next entry, by my PH friend Kanav Justa, also uses this format. so, honestly, will i vote for Tolu? i'm not telling, but, if i don't, it is NOT because he has not been a PH friend to me already. thanks for sharing. see you next time? :) bri