Girl In Waiting Comments
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the girl waited beneath the golden tree
the golden tree shaped like a vase
a vase of golden leaves
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I love the unique format of this poem. Certain parts repeated and new parts added. I am blown away by the effect!
Belle, thank you so very much for the feedback on this format---I wondered if it would have the effect I wanted
Wow! ! ! Robert! ! ! What a beautiful comment! ! ! I thank you very very much for encouraging me like this. Bless your heart for caring about your fellow poets here at PH.
Hahahahahahaha- -well phrased, Lyn Paul. Glad you were captivated!
the sheen and shimmer of the long golden shower of hair of the tiny fragile broken teenage girl waiting beneath the golden tree shaped like a vase waiting for her boyfriend to come........so touching and impressive. A beautiful poem on love, life and relationship having touching expression with nice collocation. Thanks for sharing.10 .
Thank you for enjoying this poem- it is special to me! ! And thank you for the 10! ! !
Rich reflection of a relationship that is heightened with hope through the use of nature. Well done my friend!
Seasons are a powerful aid to creating emotions in the readers and steer a poem or short story without a heavy hand at the wheel
leaves the girl waited there beneath the golden tree beneath the end of the season tree lovely describe your nice poem10++++++++
Thank you Ranjan for the read and the comment and the starry-eyed 10's! ! ! !
Loved the poem. The repetition of words adds so much fascination to the story. A story of life, love, dreams, hopes and disappointments. Simply beautiful! Thanks for sharing Susan.
Savita! I'm glad to hear that the repetition of words added to the appeal of this poem- I hoped it would! ! ! Thank you so much for your helpful feedback
But light and motion and a grand future are waiting for such as she despite year after year and fall after fall.........Susan.......this is so beautifully scripted with touching and moving words........simply outstanding....10++++++++++++ Susan.......this is so beautifully scripted with touching and moving words........simply outstanding....10++++++++++++
Will try yet again to respond to your comment- - grrrrr to PH for not working. I agree that there is goodness and beauty waiting for these young'ns in the future but kids live so totally in the present it is hard to comfort them with our wisdom gained through experience. Thank you for all those starry eyed 10's! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
But a girl at such tender age! Undergoing such torturous phase! ! Felt too much tragic about the teen girl. Only faith and dreams work, at such hard times. It's a poem that would be as contending to compose as 1000 love poems. Simply superb. 10000+++++++ Subhas (part-2)
But a girl at such tender age! Undergoing such torturous phase! ! Felt too much tragic about the teen girl. Only faith and dreams work, at such hard times. It's a poem that would be as contending to compose as 1000 love poems. Simply superb. 10000+++++++ (part-2)
Subhas- Thank you for part 2! ! ! ! Teenage girls and first loves- -a life-changing event to girls who have no one to talk to and must struggle through these days with their own untried wings. Thank you for all those starry eyed 10's! ! ! ! ! !
A rare poem by my dearest poetess and friend Susan that seems to have spoken volumes. Such a whirlpool of surging emotions resemble people of an age who have seen life, have undergone the crests and troughs, the sweet, bitter tastes of life, often the people at their afternoon years.(part-1 of comment)
Thank you for getting your comment through the red tape concerning length of replies. In my experience, there is only one poet who needed to be restrained from copying dictionaries! Your comment is telling me what affected you as a reader about this poem and that I need to know if I want to be a better writer. Thank you! .
Akhtar Jawad- - -WoW! ! You delved deep into this poem and I'm totally interested in what you found. Most have seen a young girl's heart being broken. Your thoughts about her heart breaking and being pregnant was very insightful and kind. If only more people were as supportive of our youngsters even though they make mistakes and wrong choices as you are, the world would be building better people!
A woman becomes a vase when she is carrying the embryo of love. She could have got rid of this flower but she did not. Though she has been deceived in love still the spring ovule she has kept in tact. She wants this ovule to spring in a flower of love. She is hopeful the vagabond insect that brought this ovule to stigma will come back in the springs to come. That's how I understand this touching poem of Susan Williams. One of the best poems I have ever read.
Akhtar! ! ! WoW! ! You delved deep into this poem and I'm totally interested in what you found. Most have seen a young girl's heart being broken. Your thoughts about her heart breaking and being pregnant was very insightful and kind. If only more people were as supportive of our youngsters even though they make mistakes and wrong choices as you are, the world would be building better people!
Brilliant, just so real, raw and chilling as you capture the scene, the mood, thoughts, feelings and what it is to be heartbroken underneath the tree a story unfolds like a symphony of emotions catching in the young girl's hair, in the leaves falling, falling as her dreams fall, tears fall and life is falling all around her, broken pieces of her dream!
Dang, girl, you sure can write a poetic comment! ! ! ! Thank you! ! !
I do hope her bf did return where from war or from another's arms?
ahhhh... that is for the reader and his life experiences to fill in... I'm mean that way ;) but to tell the truth, I do not know if these two high school sweethearts made it- -school ended and they did not return this year so I presume they were seniors and have gone on to college or work...perhaps together, perhaps not
How devastating to have ones heart broken during those tender years of few experiences and limited life resources to cope with disappointment, rejection and sadness. Every tender bump and bruise felt with your pen.
Most of us have to go through it but that fact never ever gives comfort. Pain is pain and it is so hard to bear especially when you've offered your fragile heart to another person and he gets bored and walks away. Somehow those kids get through it- -some use it to build strength and wisdom- - -some allow it to demean them for years... poor babes in the woods.
Wow! ! ! Susan, you had my head spinning! My heart beating! My emotions stirring! I'm still waiting for the girl in waiting. Hope she comes back! Excellent write!
Richard, you are a poet/reader we all want to read our works. You get absorbed in the story, invested in it! ! ! Awesome compliment to a writer for a reader to do this. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Richard! ! !
Deep and true love of a teenage girl in this poem has been painted touchingly, vividly and nicely. Thrilling expression. Many thanks dear Susan for posting such a lovely poem.
I live across from a high school and I saw these two lovebirds everyday and one day I just started to write - -not exactly about them... but about teenage love in general. Usually our first experience with love and so often it ends badly... memories... they make you want to say something wise to these kids but we know from our own youth they won't listen, the bad things won't happen to them etc and so on. Bless their sweet dumb hearts!
Interesting story that captures the broken heart of girl swinging and swirling in autumnal fall. Golden leaves are the memories that encircle her painful thoughts. Ending left to readers whether the boy may or may not come to meet her. Lovely imagery of words, that captures everyones heart. Loved it.
I am so happy to hear that this poem reached out and touched you- -I suspect that many of us have similar heart-aches from their teenage years. Thank you for your kind words, Geetha.
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7/17/2025 11:50:24 PM # 1.0.0
You have provided us a beautiful portrait of a teenager. Marvelous poetry
Dr Dillip, thank you for reading this poem, I live across the street from this tree and the teenagers going to school