Frustration! Comments

4 – Overall i like the poem and certainly understand it. With more experience with English, you could be a very fine 'English' poet. I feel it is certainly easier & more comfortable at times, ..... and therefore done more often, ....for people to keep somewhat separate from those in vastly different economic etc, circumstances. bri :) p.s. i admire those who write in at least 2 languages, which i'm sure you DO! Right? to MyPoemList

3 – THROUGHOUT (one word) i've noticed several of the 'better' Eurasian poets on PH split up some words which i usually would write as one word. For some words it depends on the usage whether i'd make 1 OR 2 words e.g. sometimes and some times. last line: i would say " But GUILT and remorse ran through my blood." forget rhyming here!

2 – stanza 5: maybe use worlds in COEXISTENCE? stanza 8: FROZE & COLD stanza 9: " shelling out for money" I've heard the phrase " shelling out" but it does not seem to fit here. how about " BEGGING for money" ?

1 – Some Suggestions [in capital letters] to improve the English: stanza 1: RELAXED stanza 2: MORE frolicsome stanza 3: descried: good! [i had to look up the definition** of descry]: ** " catch sight of." :) stanza 4 is difficult for me to follow, esp.: WITH anticipations'? PEOPLE with harshness?

An insightful narrative piece of poetry written with clarity of thought and mind. A witty philosophical reflection. Thanks for sharing, Navod.

Extraordinary expression.....good poem dear poet.....

Write comment. Imagination, Navod. Read my poem, Love and Iust. Thanks

Excellent. Craft with deep thoughts. Well penned. Enjoyed reading it

Searching for something like balm is definitely humorous in this wonderfully expressed rhyme poem. Expectations and experiences in life matter a lot. Man from reality and dignity knows about his own dreams. This is very thought provoking when social issue comes on poverty. Pain makes life very sensitive. Your perception about society is amazing. This is very amazing master piece of work......10

thanks for inviting me to read your new poem (a very well penned one, indeed) , Navod. As your write shows, we live in a staggering world; in a highly unequal, egotistical and hypocritical global society, where economic success is seen as the most valued goal, to be achieved by any means.. and this is the world all of us have helped to build.. People of good will who can understand that this kind of society is sustained through an ''inequality system'' - a system which is forcing billion of human beings to live in poverty or with very limited resources - , have to act so to change all this.. simply because it cannot be acceptable to those who believe that everyone should have enough to live their lives with dignity.. Your write is a very good example of POETRY OF WITNESS. Well done!

Thank you all for perceiving my poem. I invited you as you all are impeccable indeed. Unless for you all, It' not worth composing poems as there are none to read.

The poem carries a different message pertaining to the human problems that is poverty. It is indeed the depressing fact the state of affairs of the majority of people who likes to get the basic food, clothing, and health care. I think the guiltiness and remorse of the people belonging to the higher echelon of society is not the need of the hour but to actively offer the services to humanity as one can that too in established norms and criteria which actually describes as service or real charity to the needy.A great imaginative poem for readers.

Yes, there is a clear cut border drawn between the halves and the have not. Being a youngster, you are only slowly getting introduced to the gross disparities. It pains you, but now you are not disposed to help them in any way and retreat to your own comfort zone. But as a sensitive soul, I am sure you are not deaf to the wailing of the poor. They cry not for anything else, but just for food. As long as their frustration has touched you, you will be compassionate as you grow up. You have already begun to experience guilt over your indifference. I am sure you have more sensitivity than many boys of your age and you have expressed your thoughts in an impressive way. Except for a few minor errors, your poem is excellent!

Verily, you have justified your frustration

Navod, This a major poem on a social issue that must solved - the abject poverty of so many innocent people. I see the Speaker as a privileged person who is just beginning to understand that human beings MUST help human beings. At the end of your poem he returns to his sheltered life of affluence but it's obvious to me this new awareness of suffering will not let him ignore their plight. He is at a different kind of gateway - one that will lead him to a moral commitment to help. This is a poem of rescue and redemption: he will rescue the the poor and thereby redeem himself.

I can't say anything better than what Kelly, Lawrence and Susan have already said. Read their comments again, take them to heart and apply them, and you will be well on your way!

I see what Lawrence Pertiliar is alluding to but I think this absence of heart he sees is more due to the difficulty of expressing yourself in a language other than your native language.. I think you are so very close to using the words you want to use, Navod. If I may advise one thing it would be to choose the simpler word. I do think your emotions were involved for why else would your write this piece. You have important things to say and we need to hear them. I enjoyed the journey in this poem, thank you for showing me a slice of life moment

The rich and the poor! So is life around us today. Nice work.

Dilhara, your 'Frustration' is well written. As if done to impress your intellect. And not what is felt from the depth of your heart. This approach for some is easier than being honest. Your 'Frustration' is successfully described. However... what is missing is an absence of your emotional commitment. And this may come from not yet acquiring an experienced life to live. If your ambitions are to remain a writer/poet, your heart has to become part of the process. Your 'FRUSTRATION' reminds me more of a journalist activity. From a news reporter point of view. I agree...you are a terrific writer. But you can, if you desire, become a greater poet. Peace/Blessings, Lawrence

I am always impressed with the ability of others that can write poetry in a second language. Your vocabulary is amazing, Navod and the poem is very well conceived. Your thoughts are deep for such a young man. Overall, an excellent piece of writing. My one piece of advice (that I give to many aspiring poets from India and around the world) is do not try so hard to rhyme. It is hard enough to translate intent from one language, with its unique idioms and characteristics, into another. Concentrate on the message you want to get across and write from your heart with the words that fit. I enjoy using rhymes when they suit the purpose but sometimes one has to use a less than perfect word in order to fit the rhyme. Keep writing, reading and posting. peace