Saturday, June 28, 2008

Free As A Bird Comments

Rating: 4.7

Her anguished cry was so loud but not heard
She wished she was as free as a bird
It hurt, it hurt really bad
Yet for some reason she knew she shouldn’t be sad
...
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Payyton Egerstaffer
COMMENTS
Matthew Harrison 11 August 2009

I agree with Greenwolfe. The last line seemed to stumble a bit. Perhaps eliminating the 'was'... 'The pain, here to stay'? ? ? May help the flow, but aside from that. Just a well done, clear, concise piece.

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~ Jon London ~ 01 July 2008

They say that time is a great healer...but is it.....or is it really down to accepting what was...and to try and move on from it...It doesn't make you weak...if anything it makes us stronger in order to carry on.....tears will flow that's for sure if it leaves you hurting inside....but there's so much more out there for you to strive to.....stay strong and I hope your heart recovers filling your life with happiness. best wishes Jon.

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Greenwolfe 1962 28 June 2008

This was written fairly well and it was no longer than necessary. These are good things in poetry. The focus and meaning were clear as well. Good stuff. I recommend this poem. GW62

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Payyton Egerstaffer

Payyton Egerstaffer

Fort Polk, Louisiana
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