Forgiving Doesn't Kill The Pain Poem by Dan Katoha Jr

Forgiving Doesn't Kill the Pain

If I forgive her…
Will it be enough to kill the emptiness?
Will my heart stop bleeding in silence,
Each time her name slices through my thoughts like a handleless blade?

I say it out loud:
"I don't blame her anymore."
But inside, it's still screaming,
Still struggling through memories,
Still scratching at wounds that never really closed.

There was that night…
When she left.
Or maybe I stayed too long,
Believing love could survive
Indifference.

Maybe I forgive her.
But does my soul forgive?
Do my sleepless nights know it?
Do my tears, muffled in the pillow,
Understand that I chose peace,
While my heart still cries out for justice?

I don't want to hate anymore.
But I can't love either.
She took that part of me,
Right here,
Where I still used to dream.

They say forgiveness is the key.
But no one talks about the rusted lock.
No one tells you how much it hurts to open it,
When there's no one left on the other side.

Yes, I forgive her.
But not because I've healed.
Because I'm tired of fighting
Memories that win every round.

And yet…
Each time I close my eyes,
It's her I see.
Not who she is today,
But who she was before the fall.

The one I wish I could've held on to…
But whom I loved too hard,
Or maybe not well enough.

So I ask you, Life:
If I forgive her,
Does the grief fade?
Or does it just become a quieter silence?

Because me…
I'm tired of being strong
For someone
Who never asked me to be fragile.

According to Katoha Jr.