Five Haiku Comments

Hugh: I like them all but believe the last, which is the best, can be improved. Normally in haiku, the poet reserves commentary and gives no opinions. He permits the moment he has captured-like a snapshot-to speak for itself. I 'm referring to the 'lacking pity' line. Of course, there are many things he can do the convey emotion without stating it flatly such as inverting lines. Consider placing middle line first, last line second, first line last. Hope this is helpful. Martin

These are all beautiful! !

I wrote these this morning, early between 8 and 9 am, local time. I was inspired by the season and one thing led to another, one poem to the next, except poem 4 which was inspired by an experience I had driving from Cherokee, NC to Athens, GA late night/early morning in the summer of 1972. Walking down the highway, facing oncoming traffic, was this female mountain lion. I stopped and observed her with awe. Her muscles rippled as she moved slowly and steadily down the road. She turned her head to look my way, our eyes met for a moment, then she calmly began walking on. I was awestruck. After sitting for a moment to collect my thoughts, I started up my car and drove past her, on my way. Hugh

Hugh, Haiku is not usually the form I am attracted to. I think it is because I feel that Westerners, or non Buddhists can handle the form but cannot really fathom the spititualism of it. So now my doubts are dispelled. You have created these five piece that speak volumes for the essence of the natural world. I will not look at the form in the same light again. Thank you for these, my friend.

a good feeling from reading these superb tales of nature's glory where the heart can always remember beauty a wonderful set of poems