'First Physical Exam' (For All You Men) Poem by Linda Winchell

I'm headed off to join the Army today!
I'm as proud as I can be!
They're gonna make a me a United States soldier!
Dad said, They'll make a real man, out of me!

While in a line, for my boot camp physical Exams
all the men, were standing in line!
They called us by our names and numbers
My number was, Private Murray,00-55-99!

Then the shots were given out to us
some guys fainted, just at needles sight!
But I was not going to faint, No Way!
I'm a soldier, and was off to be trained too fight!

I made it through, all fifty injections!
piece of cake! Is what I thought!
But then the Doctor told me, 'soldier, bend on over! '
then pull my britches down, And COUGH?

What the heck was this Doctor thinking?
And where was that gloved, greased finger going to go?
I did what I was asked to do
and then, 'OH MY GOD! YOUR NOT! , OH NO! '

He said, 'You did fine young man! '
Fine? As FINE, as WHAT? ! !
You just had me pull my britches down!
In front of everyone, then placed your dang finger!
while coughing, UP MY BUTT!

Well, If this is what I'm suppose to do!
To serve my country, like Dad said!
I think I would have rather stayed at home!
Not here sharing, my BUTT and FACE of Red!