Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Endless Strife Comments

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The problem with life to me
Seems to be that
Its needs are too many
Causing discomfort;
...
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samuel nze
COMMENTS
Raynette Eitel 15 June 2005

Samuel, the first four lines of this poem are too tenuous. I think your real poem begins with line five...but chanage 'cannot' to 'will not.' Unless I'm wrong, I think that is what your poem is about and it wil be stronger without the words 'problem to me' and 'seems to be.' I like the thought and the last lines are strong. Raynette

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samuel nze

samuel nze

lagos, nigeria
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