Ack, ack, the sound of machine-gun
Pounds like a hammer in the brain,
The laughter of a toothless ghoul
Who cackles once again
...
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Tan, this line...'In spate of harsh saliva' (? ? ?) Suggestion: 'And spate out harsh saliva'...It flows that way to me. But, this isn't my work AND...I know this. Nice rhythm...kind of a syncopated delivery. I like that!
Staccato rhythm, like the fire of a machine gun. Disturbingly vivid. Compelling and tragic. Good write, dear sir.