Embarrassing Theory Poem by Laura arwen

Now I am
no longer able
to dream happily
because I always
think about writing
I am unrecoverable
in every sense
Very often I
feel ineffective and
unusable
I love monotony
more than I
can consciously understand
it
It's frustrating that
someone always changes
my plans
I'm anxiously awaiting
the coming of
true solitude
The awareness of
being alone makes
me sad and
weakens me
I'm increasingly convinced
of belonging to
the most extreme
solitude
I'm very confuse
about what I
really want to
do
For me there
is no hope
in this world
Sometimes I feel
like an extraordinary
person
I'm happy to
be able to
dream of an
enlightening future
Every day I
look for emptiness
inside me
I feel angry
when someone doubts
my ability and
work results
It's a bit
embarrassing not to
have plans for
the future