Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Elizabeth Wallace Comments

Rating: 4.8

I set here looking around in class
Then she walks in and catches my eye
every time I see her.
...
Read full text

joshua treece
COMMENTS
Steven Buckley 22 March 2005

Way too cliched. Your imagery is overly predictable and too common. Your form is good, and so is your flow, but the message gets lost in fairy tales. Instead of comparing this woman to the oft used cliches, try and conjure different and vibrantly colored imagery, i.e. Her eyes, such a deep velvety blue, englufing me in a comforting ocean of electric fire. Good luck

0 0 Reply
Close
Error Success