Disillusioned Comments

I agree with Gina. The meter sort of slips about half way down, but an honest and fine, fine piece of work. I love that line, 'I cannot love a demons host.' Raw, but, nonthelesss, a fine effort.

I really like the first half of this, Siana, down to 'Permitted you to feel' - rich, well-metred language leaving no doubt as to the bitterness and disillusionment on the part of the speaker. The rest of the poem, though, I feel needs work with specific regard to the metre, content (from 'Just don't pretend...' to 'I do not need you anymore') and the language (that used in the section that I've just cited) . Whatever you do though (if you are going to make any changes to this poem which is entirely your prerogative, as you know) keep 'I cannot love a demon's host' as well as the last 2 lines. They're strong. Best wishes, Gina.