Discouraged And Distraught Poem by Judy Meibach

I feel discouraged and distraught.
I feel blue.
Life has not turned out the way
I had wanted it to,
or expected it to,
or probably as I've been told -
fantasized it -
Alone, no illustrious career, no husband, no children,
only a highly sophisticated, wild-wired mental illness
that is attributed to being spoiled or neglected or
lazy, or as the professionals call it -
impulsive, narcissistic, manipulative, controlling..

They say I don't try to be
like others - that I don't want to be -
that I am arrogant, but really not that confident.
I want to be
just like everybody else,
but I need to be
like me.

I need to be an individual,
self-assured in what I do;
self-reliant,
believe in myself
have a voice of my own.

Not be so tied to
the opinions of others,
which seem to
put a noose around my neck
and paralyze me in so many ways.