Monday, May 18, 2009

...............~diary Of A Very Sad Clown~............... Comments

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With the start of each day
As in his bed awake he lay
His life comes flashing to his mind
Not a single happy memory he can find
...
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rowan ahmed
COMMENTS
Aira Olayvar 18 January 2010

The mask of disguise, worn by the sad clown. Nice! Clown is a picture of smile… though most of us are just one of this… that’s why, sometimes people can say, I am smiling but it doesn’t mean that I am ok… well penned…

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Taylor Butts 26 May 2009

Oh and sometimes you have weird subject verb agreement that doesn't work. For instance, you say 'Through skillful tricks minds he daze'. What it should really be is 'Through skillful tricks, minds he dazes.' Actually, I think that is still wrong. It should be 'Through skillful tricks, he dazes minds', but that throws off the rhyme scheme. Or you could do 'He dazes minds through skillful tricks.' The next line also needs a comma. It should read 'At him, under the spotlight, eyes impressively gaze.' You should put it in Microsft Word in paragraph format, and that will help you punctuate it if you can't do it on your own.

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Taylor Butts 26 May 2009

Really good poem. I would suggest going back through it though. You have some spelling mistakes. You should also try and punctuate it too. There are some spots that sound weird unpunctuated.

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Alex Zinni 26 May 2009

A poem that makes you think About how everyone must cope in their lives Enjoyed this a lot!

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Angelic Warrior 26 May 2009

clowns creep me out....but that is deep...nice work...brings out a passion...and sadness....this was a poem excllent and the theme daring nice work...10+++

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Mustafa Ghuneim 21 May 2009

beautiful idea, I think we are all clowns, whether wearing makeup with happy curves or wearing a mask hiding wat is beaneath, anywyas, you got some printing mistakes, check them out..

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