Desire Comments

the great truth of lust never diminshes keeps singing in the heart a sweet wail until the soul leaps desire calling and calling like the burning of stars the sparks hitting flesh and feeling good a fine poem

The final three lines show a great deal of promise. If you make your body and that of the persona you address as real as you make the devices, it would be much improved. As it is, it never quite achieves eroticism.

Raw, yes, is how I would describe it..yes, like in 'green'. But even I am guilty of that when I write about something that is 'new' to me. Practice makes perfect.

Ignore the previous comments - I think that is is raw and emotional and I loved it - keep it up, you are doing great. Desire is my favourite of all your poems. Well Done!

A bit primitive but....perhaps you are just starting? I will read more of your stuff soon (2006) . Right now I have had enough. H