Delusion Comments

I don't know James. I kinda like this one the way it is written with the last stanza intact. There is a fine line between cliche and metaphor. Cliche's come across as tired and overblown while metaphor's are poignant and in the now. No part of this poem seems tired to me. I give it a 10.

Yep, looking back at it, that'd be a better place to let it go. I hate falling into cliche

I love this poem right up to the end. The last stanza gets a little weak and the last two lines seem cliche to me. But excellent images throughout the rest of it. In fact, I think the first three stanzas stand on their own as a single superb poem. Ending with 'As empty an action as it always was' would be quite strong, IMHO.