Death Comes To Wedding Comments

A very strong dramatic write on a difficult subject.

wow...this is so real, did this really happen? you deserve an applause

hmm, this is a unique picturesque poem...

a very good poem, interesting to read..........

I put on a long comment which has disappeared.It was mainly grammar changes.Kate

Hi Jacques. A very good poem with vivid imagery.I suggest a few grammatical changes below.Also check you are using the same tense all the way through.I like the ending and can picture this terrible scene.Congratulations.. you are a poet. Tell me, what is your first language? I know at one time you were forced to speak Afrikaans but now that's not te case.English is a universal language on the internet. I hope you are happy with these suggestions.Wishing you the best, Kate Verse 1 suggest split her open under an elephant's foot Verse2 She looks at me, her eyes like two full moons etc on a windy day the line with convergence needs altering The attendants were the first to weep furrows in their cheeks the aftermath of her funeral Jilted on her wedding day that's the truth that hit me.

This is very intense and stronly dramatic. The line until they had furrows of tears in their chick should read...in their cheeks. The meat to the lion reference is great, the predator and prey metaphor. The last stanza is really descriptive and succinctly portrays the sudden changes of fortune in this life, sad but true. Good write.