'Dance In The Wind' Comments

whitney... this is such a pretty poem. it made me smile because of the the little girl who ended up being the bride. very touching. was this a real life experience or just something that came to you? either way it was worth reading. -sarah

To be honest I was going to pass upon this because of the rhyme. I’m glad that I didn’t allow my narrow-mindedness to get the better. The rhyming in this is great and seems a bit odd to be in the form you have written it in. I would have thought that it would read better in quatrains. but that would be too obvious and it also wouldn’t work. The way it is written is not to support the rhyme but for the narration to flow and so the rhyme supporting the narrative. This has a lot of beautifully constructed lines and the repetition of certain lines and sentiments is great and works well. I hope you will forgive me but in the line ‘... the garden of Eden in it's modern day ‘ you might like to try it without the ‘its’. To me it sounds so much better.

I like the last line - beautiful