Cracked Poem by Joanne Kearsey

This mask that I wear to show you I'm okay is cracking,
I take these pills to dull the ache inside, but it's starting to scream again,
The voices aren't there anymore, but I can hear them whispering in the distance,
No one wants to listen, so what am I supposed to do then?

Does my voice not matter when I tell them I don't like this or that?
I can't sleep, but I can't keep my eyes open either,
Does anything I do really matter; do they see me question everything?
DO they see me fading or will it be too late until I'm gone altogether?

I'm starting not to care anymore, or am I already there?
I trying to find my voice in all of this, but how can I when I feel like nobody's listening,
I'm tired of observing and not knowing what I'm going to feel like from one day to the next,
With my mind, body and sanity fraying, I'm surprised I'm still standing here functioning.

My nerves are overstimulated, my muscles are pulled beyond their use and my bones are crumbling beneath my weight,
But somehow my body keeps moving forward with resistance from my mind from hesitance from memories which fail me now,
Have I focused too much on myself and on if I've made a difference to anyone?
But what else can I think of, and especially when it's something my mind will only allow.

Is it selfish to think of the impact we have had on others?
I would like to know how I've come across; I do only show what I want to show,
I don't trust everyone right away, and only a few when I do get to know them,
But I do tell everyone the same thing, as it's the only thing I know.

I don't lie, I just don't show everyone everything, they don't need to know it all,
I've gone through enough, and this is where I don't care anymore, it gets' me nowhere
It's not like we are going to be here much longer, my body can't sustain me much more,
I do what I can, ask everything and expect nothing back from anyone whatsoever.

08/05/2021 - edited on 10/05/2024