Clarity, Thy Name Is Daniel Comments

This isd an interesting plot but it has flaws. The writing is almost unconscious of what has been written before. If this is actually a style of writing, it is not long for this world. GW62

Elizabeth This is a great poem. I like the flow of it and there is a certain tightness to it that gives the narrative a sense of urgency. For that reason I would think that the last couple of lines (You're a dream.../Won't you be my reality?) are superfluous and really jar, giving the poem a real unsatisfactory ending (read it aloud, and you might see what I mean) . It ruins the flow as the narrative is flows quite dreamily and then is given this jolt of reality (if you like) and the impact is, in my opinion, both sudden and negative. ‘I stood then, I stood; I rose from the depths. I faced you; I stared at my future. I sank then, I sank; I fell down into you. I fell into you right there.’ This is great. It is completely different from the other stanzas in the way that it feels, it almost seems as if someone else wrote it. But that is great in the manner it is fixed in the piece.