Child Labour Comments

3 – i still caution poets to not let the meaning of a poem suffer due to too much attention to 'achieving a rhyme'. i still like the poem bri :) p.s. i STILL would rather see " flab" than " flabs" . i say " flab" is a " collective noun" **. ** " A collective noun is a noun such as 'family' or 'team' that refers to a group of people or things." So, i would never use " flabs" .

2 – ..perhaps you mean the " employer" or " injustice" was disposed of? ? well, the injustice was avenged and the employer was subdued, but neither was erased. in stanza 3 you use a different rhyme scheme. i rarely do that (usually inadvertently) . it's ok, and does lend a change of pace.

1 – MORE: when i last commented i mentioned typos in stanzas 3 & 5 but did not identify them. now i wonder if i thought " site not very fair" was meant to be " far" . maybe not. i'd shorten 3's last line. stanza 6: " injustice was cleared without a trace" / " cleared" sounds a bit strange to me

1 – stanzas 3 & 5: each has a silly typo. you'll find them. stanza 6 [my favorite one]: i'd use " flab" , not " flabs" and there IS an easy way to still make a rhyme, with " flab" . i laughed at the last line/word. i have more suggestions. If you want them left here, ask for them.

The gate keeper snatched the shovel and swung it at the man's face. The children cheered as injustice was cleared without a trace. The man groaned in pain while the keeper hugged the lads And took them inside the school and fed them well for years until they had flabs. A very fine poem praising the heroic deed of saving giving hope....... thanku. dear poet.. tony