Can I Hate God? Poem by Ebubechi Ireke

Dear God, Can I hate you?
Maybe. But let's start with my complaint.
Let me vent my frustrations,
Then find my way back to knowing
If I can hate you.

I was told, according to a book
That claims to be your word,
That you created the world
And love it,
And are with your own.

Yet, your own seem more miserable.
Someone will surely set me straight,
But first, let's examine the facts.
You're nearer than our skin,
Closer than our very breath,
Yet when there's trouble,
Our clothes are what we feel more.

Must I address the elephant
In the room - religion?
Where confusion reigns
And clarity's hard to find,
Saying different things at the same time,
All in your name.

And one wonders: Do you sow seeds of discord?
But your Word assures us
You're not a God of chaos and confusion.
You vowed not to test us
With evil's cunning snares,
Yet your followers experience evil more.

You're more powerful than darkness,
Yet you let evil tempt them.
Are there things we weren't told?
Why let evil spoil things for you?
Do you think the same would be true
If evil had this much power?

Someone will tell me
Not to question you.
But that's the more reason
We're in this mess.
Your wisdom is so high above,
That maybe you can't relate.

You sent your son to walk among us,
Witness to our struggles.
He went back and sent the Comforter
To comfort us in our tribulations.
But that didn't solve the problem,
Seeming like Nigerian politicians,
Who come to a place for campaigns,
See the problems,
Send rays of hope—
Like trucks to fix the roads—
And it's either not completed
Or not of quality.

Little wonder
They are most celebrated,
Especially in churches.
Because you're the best teacher.

Should I talk about death?
Well, I wouldn't want to go there—
The fact your followers' lives are cut short,
While others live on.
The fact I always come to you,
Driven by the blackmail of hell,
And wonder,
Without punishment,
Would I love you?

The fact that your will is unchanging and wise
Seems to make my work a joke.
I'd propose a new approach,
One that adapts to changing times.
Though your constancy is a virtue,
Business isn't moving that well.

But let's believe
Everything is for our good,
Using a child learning to walk.
Let's believe you are always beside,
Watching as I walk and fall,
Waiting for me to cry as I fall,
And helping me to stand,
Even as I struggle
To take a stand in you.

But as Dax would say:
I hope you know I'm still a believer,
Just that it got hard.

©Ebube