Budd Comments

this one flows together perfectly. like a story only better cuz you dont have to bother with evil punctuation and grammer. you should write stories, youd be good at it. you seem to be chock full of little stories, every poem is a story. yay you!

Thumbing through the ties like pages of his autobiography is really good! Your narrative flow is excellent. Finishing the 2nd stanza, the thought came to me, 'Something is going to HAPPEN! ', something dramatic, I mean. But nothing dramatic does. I still find some merit in this 'slice of life', and it may be a new kind of piece for you, and taking steps into new territory is always a positive move. I just read it again, and I wonder, IS he going to commit suicide? Is that what epilogue means? There are other possible foreshadowings, for example the fact that he's typing 'letters' instead of, say, a work of poetry or fiction. But there's not quite enough said for me to be confident making that leap. I do feel you have a talent for narrative writing, though, Jacob. I agree with my Hound friend, if you tried your hand at narrative fiction (which you may already do, as far as I know, and which is not to denigrate THIS piece) , you may come up with spectacular stories and/or novels.

I'm inclined to agree with Hound and Mary. This has an edge-of-your-seat feel to it, Jake, and I query it as a poem. It is a narrative prose, but it is prose that is left unfinished. The power of observation is certainly there, but without a continuance it lacks any meaning. It's effect is not bad, and you show, in this piece, that you have the ability to be a strong writer. Go on, commit youself. Write a novel!

I agree with Poetry Hound.....I want to know why did he sense the end so strongly? Was he planning suicide? Was he just feeling the clock ticking? This was great.........very interesting Jake. I loved the details....the warm pants, the thumbing through the ties....great poem! Sincerely, Mary

Okay Jake, I'm ready to read the rest of it. Seriously, this is a good start to a short story or even a novel. I'm waiting for the character development, plot twists, dialogue, and perfect ending. You should be writing longer stuff. You're definitely talented enough.

Even in our 30's, or 40's, Jake, my Love....we feel it comin', don't we? This is a fabulous write. Thanks for sharing your naked heart with us...the rest of you we will just have to fantasize about.