Breaking Down Comments

In reading back through this, I found another 'just' in line five. You might want to delet that or replace it with a similar word.

Okay, here's a breakdown of breakdown. I like the intent and the content. It has a prose poetry feel to it. Google that term if you are not familiar with it. I feel like that I am breaking down - take out the 'that' - it is not necessary I feel this way everywhere I go, and whenever I turn around - you don't really need the comma after 'go'. If you want the pause, you could just start the next line with 'and'. I have these moods that I just can't describe Believe me, it get's scary at times - no apostrophe needed in 'get's' Everything I do just isn't enough I just feel like breaking down and giving up - you might consider deleting the 'just' as you have used it in the line above. Don't know why I feel this way, I just do - again, 'just' is coming up too much. How about, after 'way, ' using 'but I do'? I could be insane, or I could be just like you - instead of 'just', you could use 'exactly' with the same effect. Comma may not be necessary after insane or you could start the 'or...' as another line. I have mixed emotions about some things going on in my life That's why I just have to sit down and write Feeling this mixture of anger and freight - I think you mean 'fright' instead of 'freight'. Mabie this will me me feel better about myself, for tonight - I think you mean 'Maybe this will make me...'. This keeps growing on me, and mabie later you will see - is comma necessary after me? Also, 'mabie' should be 'maybe'. What is actually happening to me Mabye I'l be back, and someday you will finally see, or mabye 1.2.3.... - 'Maybe' is coming up too much. You might replace it with 'Perhaps'. I would have 'you will finally see.' be the end of the poem. I don't see the 'or maybe 1 2 3' as being necessary. I hope I haven't over analyzed and a lot of this, other than the spelling and grammar suggestions, is subjective on my part. As Adriana said, clean it up a bit and you have a good piece of work. Jeff

ok well numerous things going on here: maybe you should break it up a bit, and reread it before pressing submit so you can catch any typos, repeated words, or misspellings. if you check these, it will be better. good!